Climb every bleedin’ mountain, ford every soddin’ stream…

Yeah right. I recently decided to upgrade my phone, from this:

alcatelTo this:


So when Amazon emailed me to say my new phone would be delivered today, I was quite happy. So happy I had a moment of madness and decided to clear out my wardrobe. Now as some of you may know, I’m something of a freak when it comes to clothes. I found things I didn’t remember buying and stuff I never should’ve bought. Apart from that the wardrobe was so full, when I opened the doors, I was buried beneath a clothes slide of garments and had to fight my way clear. Along with the clothes came a cascade of hangers all tangled together. 


After I’d fought my way free, I heard a knock at the front door, but couldn’t get out the bedroom, due to the way being blocked by shoes, hangers, clothes and bin bags. With a sinking feeling, I heard my brother answer the door and sheer adrenalin gave me the strength to wrench myself free of miscellaneous tights and handbags – too late.

He stood at the bottom of the stairs, holding a cardboard box in one hand. Now here’s the crunch. I used to play netball in my youth and was pretty good at it. However, since I’ve entered my dotage, I seem to have lost the ability to catch. Now my brother knows this, but still persists in throwing things at me and laughing when I totally fail to field whatever that thing is. 

‘This’s for you,’ he said and raised his hand. With visions of my new phone being broken before I’d even seen it, I actually leapt halfway down the stairs and managed to catch the box. Not only that, I caught it one handed! Not bad for a woman who won’t see fifty again.


After swearing at my sibling, I returned to my bedroom, swept aside some of the detritus from the wardrobe, and unpacked the new arrival. Two hours later, I was still trying to get the sim card unlocked and set the time, date and alarm. Fecking technology!

It’s now 7.20 pm and I’ve managed to get the phone working. As for the wardrobe, I just shoved everything back in and locked the doors. True, there’s an ominous creaking, but as far as I’m concerned it’s out of sight, out of mind… for now.


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