I wish I knew…

telling myself…how I felt.

We have a crisis going on in our family at the moment, which has left me in an emotional maelstrom. Most of the time I feel lethargic, simply sitting staring into space, with a brain full of confused and contradictory thoughts. The effort to continue with my current wip, Dawn Horizon, seems a bit too much and it’s almost with reluctance that I open my netbook and type a few words, before giving up and shutting it down again.

Of course I want to write, need to write, but as soon as I work up the energy to do so, the clouds descend again, trapping me under a welter of negative emotions, which try as I might, I can’t quite shake off.

And yet, here’s the rub, if I don’t write I feel even worse, caught up in a catch twenty-two cycle that’s proving very hard to break. That said, I know one day I will break it and fight my way back to continuing what I love; that’s the one thing I’m certain of.

why do I bother



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10 Responses to “I wish I knew…”

  1. Things will improve. They mostly do. And even when they don’t, each experience, good, bad or worse becomes a part of life that enriches your writing.


  2. Have you tried writing about it, or at least something fictional that involves the same emotions? I’ve never been able to write about a real highly charged event, too close fo be bearable, but I’ve written off at a tangent. Might be cathartic.


  3. I agree with Marj. Emotional upheavals can be overwhelming, though they may bring to light deeper layers of the psyche, and turn into blessing for creative people.


  4. Toughest things to go through. I find when I retreat to my little nook, that helps a bit. Wishing you better times.


  5. Honey, it’s SO important not to beat yourself up or put anymore undue pressure on yourself. You’re are going through hell, honey, painful, isolating, destructive, confusing hell. This is a time to be kind to yourself and nurture yourself. If you are in the mood to write, great, if you try and it is just too much, there is no shame in that. Do what you can, when you can. Believe me, you’ll come to a point when it will start pouring out of you, until then, do what feels right and don’t beat yourself up over it. Sending you all my love and hugs, wish I could give you a cuddle kiddo. Take care. 😀 xx


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